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Live in Clifton Wood (I Wish I Could Afford To)

by Robin Allender

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1.
Instar 04:35
The past is myself in Victoria park with the moon at my shoulder. The moon was such a slender curve, the trees were jewels in the streetlights. The path must have veered to the right because the moon overtook me and I walked on with the moon ahead and the trees at my shoulder. The past is myself, it’s a mirrored hall or a winding river, an echoing moon in eclipse, in reverse.
2.
I couldn’t wait to find my way back to the other room, grown unfamiliar in its leaves and branches. Some walls were gone but the shelves were still intact with books I thought I’d lost in a mass of mould and moss. This was my room with my belongings strewn across the floor, left without a second thought, as if I’d be back soon, as if the past was something you could just reach out and touch, instead of being cast adrift against the current. Through thin walls I heard a commotion of people on their way home, the estate echoed with their peculiar voices under the moon. Then it dawned on me that the room was an unreal room, my heart sank like a stone when the scales fell from my eyes. The moonbeams’ silver light, their slender slivers of light, I name their several names, though none sees what patterns they make.
3.
The Bower 03:30
I chose the path that cost me several dollars and all my years consist of several horrors. The path is strewn with fallen leaves, fallen from eaves. So I made a bed and slept for several hours and when I woke in the shady bower I saw the word writ into a tree, written for me. 'If time is a road to a pleasing retreat, or so we're led to believe by that musical brocade, and we try to ignore the ghost at the door and when we think we're good it's all just vainglory.'
4.
Green Wound 03:56
These were the thoughts, that we used to turn our heads away from dreams, we all did. But the moss upon the car, I was entranced by its double meanings and blue feelings, my thoughts remained unhinged. And I saw the cornerstone where the rose roads converge in the sleep of the dead underneath the star. The waterfront pubs where we used to meet are now a real dream estate of stone and tyres so I keep that wound green.
5.
Riverrun 03:23
And what will become of me if the river's long and the river's long? And what birds will fly over me at the river's end, at the river's end? And it seemed like a lonely field but it held my head and I can wait for the outer dark because it knows my name. The shadows are numberless but when the building breathes or the meadow moves there are such attics cleared of me where I call my name and I call my name. And it seemed like a lonely field but it held my head and I can wait for the outer dark because it knows my name.
6.
Zembla 02:31

about

In February 2018, my friend Ellie Williams recorded me playing a few songs in a garden in Clifton Wood (a suburb of Bristol, not an actual wood). Ellie was starting out as a field sound recordist for the BBC and had borrowed some nice microphones from a friend. It was our goal to create an atmospheric setting for the songs, something like a cross between an album and a field recording.

There’s a rough and ready quality to these songs. You can hear cars driving by, children playing in the street, my coat brushing against the guitar and, at one point, a barman from the Lion pub emptying the bottle bins. But there's a nice quality to this recording of which I'm very proud. The takes are good and I love being able to hear the city noises in the background.

I played five songs and the last song is a collection of out-takes, improvisations and ambient recordings (plus the barman from the Lion).

credits

released August 16, 2019

Thanks to Ellie for recording this and to Stephen Kerrison for mixing and mastering.

Thanks also to Felix Classen for his valuable input.

Cover photograph by Karen Patchell: www.instagram.com/sky_children_/

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Robin Allender London, UK

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